Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
