I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
