I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
