He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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