she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
