You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
