I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
