Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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