I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
