And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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