i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want to fling myself into the sun
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
