the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
