I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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