I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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