When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
