my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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