the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
