if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
