I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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