so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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