she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
