Apparently you make a good broom.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
