can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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