my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
