yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
