so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
