So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
