Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
