dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
