so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
