What tipped you off? The sombrero?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
