i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
