I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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