No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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