Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
