i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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