You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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