Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wish there were birth control emojis
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dicks are not precious.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
