and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
