textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
