Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
