Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
