I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
