why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
time to smoke my breakfast
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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