no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
