Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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