just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
