I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
