When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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