I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
