Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
third nipple confirmed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
